Scholarly Madness

"Is all this traditional scholarly peer-show really all that exciting, I thought earlier this afternoon. Who is this processional time of pomp and circumstance really for, anyway?"


I have spoken to many of my friends during the last couple of weeks, and upon asking them about their graduations many have replied that they didn't "want to go anyway" and yet regardless have found themselves sitting for hours on end awaiting their turn to take the stand, accept their welcome into the realm of academic recognition, and then depart back to the real world of economic turmoil and a stagnant jobs market. If they really didn't want to go for what ever reason, then why not grow a fucking back-bone and put your down? It is your life! I personally think that their parents forced them to go, or more likely - the parents insisted and the kids just nodded their heads, they just want the graduation photos, hung on the wall in the living room all picturesque, a reminder that their children went to university to study the arts and sciences because they are more passionate about learning than they are passionate about heavy drinking and dressing up in stupid costumes twice a week. Ha ha.

I heard from the BBC today that the number of university applications has risen a record 15% from last year, which itself was 'The' record at the time. The result: mayhem; the media throwing full force behind all of the blatantly irritating sob stories of grade A students not being able to get a place to study their choice of degree. You see, something has been niggling at the back of my mind for a couple of years now - the question of HOW all of these people are managing to qualify for places at universities at all in the first place. Is this the result of socialized education and the student loan system developed by New Labour, and the top up fees to encourage quantified expansion of modern universities, 'Protective' measures to ensure growth in the sector, so I have read anyway.

Are people really getting smarter, or is the government 'fixing' the system to try and get more money *ahem* students into the universities? I thought it was a fine way to short-fix the problem of increasing unemployment in the UK; shove them all into education for a couple of years; a buffer for the jobs market. The politicians seemingly didn't think they would have continued to be in power at the moment, did they? - Now that this tributary flowing from sixth-form education and into higher education having been saturated by the older generation, responding to the benefits the state has made available (some-what it can be said in some cases but not all), has effectively bottle-necked the application process - could they not foresee this would happen, or did they know but just not care because they figured somebody else would pick up their mess instead?

It bothers me to think about it for too long, mainly because the problem is systemic; that is how the government runs (in on fact on occasion does not run) the show in Britain, the problems are economic and social and very far-reaching; to an international context, far beyond the reach of my own comprehension without driving myself to the brink of madness in attempt to memorize it all. So to lighten things up a little I thought of a way to spice up graduation for next years budding graduates, so they can stand out from the crowd with something a little different - a dead animal carcass instead of a mortarboard! It looks kind of sexy from the back!!