Break-through at CERN as scientists shed light on age old question...

There was a break-through at the CERN this week after an unregulated experiment at the Large Hadron Collider shed some new facts about our so called perceived universe; as the new discovery has created the proverbial whirlwind of debate over the future consequences of the discovery, the scientific community still remains in a state of shock over the results of the experiment.

An unregulated experiment involving the Large Hadron Collider was performed at approx 06:00 Tuesday morning, a disgruntled scientist having been exasperated by the scientific communities obsessions with String-Theory and dark energy experiments, decided to put an uncooked chicken egg in the LHC and accelerate it to near light-speeds in attempt to discover what would happen to the eggs quantum state. The results were by no short distance, staggering to take hold of. This is a visual representation of the mathematical data provided by one of the so far unnamed detectors.

As it is clearly visible, the detector had problems with aligning the data into a coherent picture of what the scientist had thought he had launched into the 9km of accelerator spanning beneath the Swiss/French boarder. However, some scientists of a yet to be revealed university in the UK are already contending that this representation answers the age-old question of whether the egg, or the chicken came first. To quote one of the excited academics:

"We are really excited about the data we have received from the CERN laboratories, we are already formulating equations that explain that chickens are actually the quantum state of eggs when accelerated to near light-speed. This means that eggs and chickens, although they are perceived to be extraordinarily different in what human beings perceive to be reality:- and that one must come before the other, they're are actually in fact the same thing at the same time under certain quantum states." - Scientist

The discovery received much praise not just by the physics community but in the faculty of evolutionary biology, renowned champion of avian evolution, one Professor Richard Squarkins, has stated that this has come of no surprise to him and his colleagues, saying

"We have been searching for a theory that explains why chickens are in such high numbers on Earth today and we have always wanted some experimental evidence that suggests that chickens have an extraordinary and naturally evolved defence mechanism against predation. Since we had seen the data suggesting that eggs are merely one possible quantum state of a chicken, we have played with the idea that an egg may spontaneously change into its chicken-form when predators close up, then revert back to egg form to save energy. The puzzle now is how do eggs manage to spontaneously travel at near light speeds without the extreme magnetic forces needed in the human device of the LHC, but we believe the yolk has something to do with it." Prof. Richard Squarkins

The professor also showed us some predictions for the evolution of the species when the LHC is cranked up to even higher energies in the months to come. What follows is the representation of the data used from the latest computer modelling software, sponsored with funding from an institution in the US; it is nothing less than astounding.

Hopefully there will be more news from the CERN laboratories soon. We're lovin' it.

Unsustainable madness

Climate Change

"One thing that keeps me from sleeping soundly on occassion, is the guilt I have inherited from my world-view concerning global climate change and the contemporary anthropocentric exploitation of the planet's limited carbon energy resources."

Scholarly Madness

"Is all this traditional scholarly peer-show really all that exciting, I thought earlier this afternoon. Who is this processional time of pomp and circumstance really for, anyway?"

Deep water robo madness

How different the world changes from decade to decade; I am only a comparatively young person next to some, but that doesn't necessarily entail that I do not sometimes find myself astounded by how rapidly, and how unpredictable technology and its applications are developing.

If, in the latter months of my high-school education, anyone had told me that in 8 years time, I would be sat in front of a flat screen computer at 3 in the morning, watching a live internet feed from a remotely operated vehicle at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, I would not just have told them that I am not 'That' much of a nerd, but that what they are speculating about is complete and utter dog-shit and that they ought to stop adding ketamine to their herbal remedies. Yet, here I am:- watching this robot at the bottom of the sea, thousands of metres below the surface, whizzing around its oil-pipeline-bodge-jobbing business.

It wasn't just the sheer marvel of this technological feat; never mind the sudden wave of intrigue that rolled over my mind as I began to think "Ohh- it's moving!! What the fuck...what has it got now?", but it was also the slow tide of fear that accompanies the "How-the-fuck" and the "What else can they do with this technology?". Applications that first come to thought are military applications; it dawned upon me that in some God-forsaken place in the world all these flashy robots, low-light cameras and ridiculously mind-boggling communications technology are being used in the service of killing other people.

It is frightening to think of being on the receiving end of this technological maelstrom of death, and just because we are not threatened by a technologically competitive and productively equal axis power at the present time in history doesn't give us the all clear for the future. There is something very unsettling about the thought of groups of trained people, located in a bunker 3000 miles away, chasing after you with robots armed with automatic machine guns and flame throwers. It doesn't just end at this nightmare either; I read an article on http://www.newscientist.com/ that B.A.E. are working on their latest killing machine; an unmanned fighter aircraft with "deep mission" capability, which Robo-DemiGod-bearded-guy 'Noel Sharkey' has commented on, saying that:

"deep mission" is military speak for "beyond the reach of a remote pilot". "We need to know if this means the robot planes will chose their own targets and destroy them – because they certainly will not have the intelligence to discriminate between civilians and combatants." -Newscientist.com

How long will it be before The Terminator prophecy is fulfilled? Are we going to be living under the threat of being attacked by robots that automatically seek us out and attempt to reduce anything it considers a threat, literally to shreds of trembling flesh in the next 20 years!? Intelligent robots seem to have significantly surpassed the ever-present winter-flu threat, the British population was reduced to shivering with fear in front of BBC News this winter just passed because "There was snow outside, and it was cold". Sheesh - you have clothes, do you not? What will be their reaction when killer-robots are chasing them down the street?

Friendly servants today, bringers of death on another day. I wonder if you can program it with the soothing homo-erotic voice of Stephen Fry - just like people do with their Sat-Navs?

"Oh, you mischievous little scamp, Mr. Davies!!"

Hang-glider madness

Fireworks. Strapped onto a hang-glider.Your eyes are not deceiving you, some crazy fucking bastard actually thought this would be a great idea. How bad would it be if you were on a hang-glider and it caught fire? Nearest (and only!) escape route? Straight down at the proverbial 9m/s per second! How easily could some of those sparks, which are probably in excess of 400 degrees Celsius, have blown onto the fucking wings, or into your freaking face!! If he had detached from the wings in his sleeping-bag thing, on fire, then he would have looked like a giant grilled hot-dog hurtling down towards the spectators. Mmmmmm!

Micro-blogging madness

"Why?" is the typical question that circulates my head now and again; but there is no denying that blogging is a major internet phenomenon. I must first tell you all now; people who Twitter bug the heck out of me. Why do people insist on updating the World Wide Web with 160 characters of thought every half an hour? That is of course, if "I want a bacon sandwich." or "Grrr." even count as conscious thought processes of the human intelligence, which I have significant reason to doubt some what.

Perhaps some of these people need to feel that somebody in their life, and seemingly, even people who are not in their life at all, actually does give a damn about their everyday intentions. People actually micro-blog whilst driving, when they are supposed to be entertaining others, even at work in board meetings, or at the movies watching the latest wishy-washy vampire teenage-fucking-junk flick (fuck off Twilight and die forever). Can you believe I read one the other day announcing "Watching Eclipse. Edward is soooo fit.", thank you for letting the whole world know that you're flicking your bean in the theatre, in the dark, over an imaginary film character. We all most desperately needed to know it, and applaud the virtue you have shown in aptly describing your thoughts.

Even Facebook is beginning to get on my nerves with its convenient, and politely inquiring little charming status box; "What's on your mind" it asks me. Fuck knows where that information goes to after you press the 'post' button. Maybe somewhere in the Pentagon, sitting on the toilet with his trousers around his ankles, a CIA agent is being driven relatively insane by how many times his pager has vibrated, hummed out of his trouser pocket and then buzzed its way under the cubical door next to him because some alcohol-crazy college students have been flooding the little charming status box with information concerning their latest antics with Jager-bombs and other lethal cocktails.

Is it all THAT necessary?

You may call me a hypocrite, because evidently I am sat here and starting up the whole blog-business. However, I will explain to you all why I am writing: I was advised to. Ten months ago I was advised by a 'careers-adviser-woman' at the university which I have just finished attending, to be a professional blogger after my graduation; I and fifty or so other students, in the same room. We were given this advice because we all were studying under the Philosophy faculty of the university, "Blog" she told us to, because I assume that there is no vocation linked to our degrees other than the solicit of bullshit to other people. At the time we were told this I had written a couple of notes which I passed to my friend on the same row, one with a picture of a house in the middle of the forest surrounded by berry bushes; I figured that we could always live in the woods and eat berries after we graduate if the blogging thing doesn't work out; I mean it isn't like the blog-world is already saturated in the solicit of bullshit, right? So, ten months later I leave the university after a 20 grand loan from the government, three years of studying stupidly-difficult-and-almost-purposefully-difficult-to-read books to find myself here at 05:03 on July 12th 2010, beginning my new and exciting and sure to be illustrious career as a blogger.

Joyness.

Here, have a picture of Hover Cat beaming some poor guy up into its arsehole, to celebrate the start of Seasoned with A Hint of Madness!

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